I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Even though money was an issue this year, I had a good Christmas. All the kids came to my house on Christmas Eve to celebrate. They all chipped in for the food and I did the cooking. Christmas Day was a time to relax and unwind.
We are still trying to move to Pennsylvania. The problem is right now my husband's daughter is a ward of the state because her mother is an idiot. Even though my husband has not been proven unfit, the state stepped in and took custody of his daughter. We don't understand why because we were taking care of any issues she might have stemming from the care or lack thereof provided by her mother. We were in the middle of a custody battle with the mother which we would have won in light of the things going on. We had the child in counseling and she was seeing a medical doctor again. We were in touch with the school as well to make sure things were going good there. But yet the state in its infinit wisdom still stepped in and now in order for us to move from this state, we have to wrest custody back from the state. Most people don't ever have to deal with this issue and so no one understands how hard it is to go against the state in a custody battle! Once they get control they don't like to give it up. The court papers give a listing of court dates for a three month review, a six month progress hearing, and a twelve month dis positional hearing. I am quite frustrated as my husband is and neither of us know how to rectify the situation. Our lawyer is less than useful as well. So we may just well be stuck in this area for a whole 'nother year!!!! GRRR
In the meantime, my sister is waiting for our arrival to help her with her mortgage. I was looking forward to being in PA in the spring to check my sister's soil, amend it, plan and start a garden and look into getting some chickens. My sister had raised chickens, rabbits, and a pig before, so she has all the necessary shelters and equipment. She got rid of all her animals because she was having problems working full time, taking care of her household,taking care of her parents and trying to take care of all the animals. My husband would work and my sister would continue to work while I stay home and maintain the home-front and raise most of our food.
I'm sure people are wondering by now why I just don't go out and get a job. The answer is because I don't drive and finding a job is practically impossible when you don't drive and there is no public transportation! I haven't had my license in seven years because I voluntarily gave them up due to a lack of vision; literally. I have terrible eye sight. I am legally blind without my glasses and I can't buy my new glasses right now. They cost over three hundred dollars and that's with my husband's insurance covering the frames. The reason I gave up driving though is because I cannot see in the dark when another car is coming towards me. Staring at the white line does not help! Even daylight driving is hard for me when the sun is shining bright. I do not want to be responsible for hurting someone and so I just quit driving. Recently I have been diagnosed with Glaucoma as well. I am loosing my peripheral vision quite rapidly to be honest. I get little flashes of moving darkness at the corner of my vision and it literally makes me jump. Can you imagine me driving down the road, getting a flash of movement to the side, thinking it's a deer or person and me swerving to miss it? I can and it's not a pleasant thought. The least that would happen is I would get rear-ended by a car behind me because I stopped suddenly. The most is I could swerve into on coming traffic and seriously hurt myself or someone else! It's just not worth it. I could not and do not want to live with the consequences of driving when I know it is not safe for me. The bad side of this is it's practically impossible to get a job. I've worked all my life and should qualify for disability, but unfortunetly the doctors are hesitant to declare me unable to drive. I just want them to go for a drive with me! My husband won't even go for a ride with me!
It's very hard to be so dependent on other people. I long for a day to go window shopping at the home improvement store (one of my favorite activities. I never claimed to be normal!), but my husband doesn't like doing that and so I never get to do it anymore. Sometimes I go a little stir crazy in the house and just want to jump in a car and take a little spin, but I can't! If I need something from the store, I have to wait for my husband to get off work or to have a day off. I have to schedule all my appointments around his work. It's not easy on him either. He works long hours and the last thing he wants to do when he gets off for the night or gets a day off is drive my butt around! Sometimes I feel like a burden to my husband- he deserves so much more! It's very frustrating for both of us.
This whole Glaucoma thing is pretty disgusting too! When I wake up in the morning and usually after I've been reading a lot I get this leaky eye thing going on where my eyes water and water and water some more. It's like having a cold in my eye! When I get up in the morning it literally takes time for my eyes to adjust to seeing...how crazy is that! It takes about fifteen minutes for my eyes to focus and quit watering. Glaucoma is a death sentence for my eyes. There is no cure. I have to put drops in my eyes every day and those drops cost me thirty bucks for a tiny bottle! Most people get Glaucoma in their sixties and seventies. All the doctors can do is try to preserve the eyesight until the person's death. They do this with the drops, laser surgery, and regular surgery in a progressive rear guard type fight. Because I am in my early forties, I have a bigger chance of totally loosing my eyesight before I die, because they have to try to preserve it for more years than someone in a higher age bracket. My sister (not the same as above) has glaucoma too! The doctor actually diagnosed it years ago. She has not used any medication or anything and right now she just has to wear glasses to read. I had my eyes checked about three years ago and my prescription hadn't changed. I went to the doctor this year and I have lost three prescription strengths in three years! And how does that make me feel? Pissed off!
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