It's been quite a while since my last post, but I've been sick. I have already been sicker this year than the last five years combined!
We've also been dealing with this custody thing. My stepdaughter's mother has left the state! She didn't notify the court or CPS; she just up and took off. I say good riddance! I just feel bad for my stepdaughter. How does a mother do that to her child? I don't think I will ever understand.
The good news is the custody thing should be over in about a month. CPS told us to get custody from the mother in regular court and they will then close out their case. So here is to hoping things are wrapped up within the next month or two!
I'm going back to bed now because I feel like crap!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Gun Control
I had to go see the prosecutor today. About two years ago, or maybe three now, I was a manager at a restaurant that was physically connected to a convenience store. My husband would drop me off for work at four-thirty every morning. My place didn't open until seven so I would go in and slowly prep everything. I would go out in front of the store part and smoke in the morning before opening too. The store part opened at five am and I would also bs with the cashier. This one day as I stopped over to bs with the cashier a guy comes in and robs the place at gunpoint! Because I was standing there I got dragged into the whole mess. I tell you I was never so scared in all my life and never so angry!
I grew up around guns. There were always guns and bullets in the house. Neither were ever locked up. They both resided in my mom's bedroom closet. Us kids knew better than to mess with the guns. We were taught respect for the damage they could do early on. We were also taught how to use the guns. When I was little I had a set of little metal pistols. They were toys, but that is where my training started. I was allowed to play with these guns, but whenever my mom caught me pointing them at someone, I was disciplined. After a few of these sessions I realized quickly enough if I didn't point the gun at a person I wouldn't get into trouble. And every time I was disciplined for it I was also told I could hurt someone; it didn't matter that it was a toy- I didn't know how it worked and weather there was anything in the barrel to come flying out when I pulled the trigger and how would I feel if I hurt one of my friends? So yeah I was taught from a very young age to never point a gun at another person and if I did my mother would show me quite physically the error of my ways!
When this guy pointed the gun at me, I was scared because I didn't know if it was loaded or not. I didn't know if he would pull the trigger or not. For all I knew he was a psychopath who got his rocks off by shooting people. And I was angry because there was nothing I could do about it. Yeah after the robbery there were all these people popping off about how they would have kicked the guys ass ect. ect. My answer to this was, "well you guys are braver than me; I must have left my balls in my other pants!" But the truth of the matter is when someone pulls a gun on you, you aren't going to do anything but what they tell you to do as you wonder how your family is going to get on without you and if you will make it out alive. Perhaps if the guy had been distracted or whatever I would have done something, but he never even glanced away from us and I could spend a lifetime wondering about would've, should've, and could've.
Gun control is a big issue now with all the school shootings. Don't get me wrong, I feel for these people who have lost their children and I can only imagine what they are going through. However, I truly believe criminals don't register their guns so they can go on a killing rampage or so they can commit a string of robberies. The idea of more gun control making these atrocious acts harder to commit is shear folly! You cannot take our right to bare arms away from us and expect that to make the crime better because we are not the ones committing the crimes. The criminals committing the crimes have other ways to get guns. I think the better idea is to allow our teachers to have guns in school to protect our children! Or another idea is to homeschool our children.
I grew up around guns. There were always guns and bullets in the house. Neither were ever locked up. They both resided in my mom's bedroom closet. Us kids knew better than to mess with the guns. We were taught respect for the damage they could do early on. We were also taught how to use the guns. When I was little I had a set of little metal pistols. They were toys, but that is where my training started. I was allowed to play with these guns, but whenever my mom caught me pointing them at someone, I was disciplined. After a few of these sessions I realized quickly enough if I didn't point the gun at a person I wouldn't get into trouble. And every time I was disciplined for it I was also told I could hurt someone; it didn't matter that it was a toy- I didn't know how it worked and weather there was anything in the barrel to come flying out when I pulled the trigger and how would I feel if I hurt one of my friends? So yeah I was taught from a very young age to never point a gun at another person and if I did my mother would show me quite physically the error of my ways!
When this guy pointed the gun at me, I was scared because I didn't know if it was loaded or not. I didn't know if he would pull the trigger or not. For all I knew he was a psychopath who got his rocks off by shooting people. And I was angry because there was nothing I could do about it. Yeah after the robbery there were all these people popping off about how they would have kicked the guys ass ect. ect. My answer to this was, "well you guys are braver than me; I must have left my balls in my other pants!" But the truth of the matter is when someone pulls a gun on you, you aren't going to do anything but what they tell you to do as you wonder how your family is going to get on without you and if you will make it out alive. Perhaps if the guy had been distracted or whatever I would have done something, but he never even glanced away from us and I could spend a lifetime wondering about would've, should've, and could've.
Gun control is a big issue now with all the school shootings. Don't get me wrong, I feel for these people who have lost their children and I can only imagine what they are going through. However, I truly believe criminals don't register their guns so they can go on a killing rampage or so they can commit a string of robberies. The idea of more gun control making these atrocious acts harder to commit is shear folly! You cannot take our right to bare arms away from us and expect that to make the crime better because we are not the ones committing the crimes. The criminals committing the crimes have other ways to get guns. I think the better idea is to allow our teachers to have guns in school to protect our children! Or another idea is to homeschool our children.
Backyard Chickens
Yeah for the city I live in....The city council just passed an ordinance allowing backyard chickens! Of course it would be just my luck that I live outside of the city in this stupid trailer park where I can't have chickens! Almost makes me want to move to the city! If it wasn't for the fact that there is a lot of violence there I probably would! At least there I could have a garden and chickens!
Anyway, each family is allowed to have six chickens; hens not any roosters. But it is a step in the right direction.
I've already decided when I get chickens I am going to get Delaware Chickens. They are a heritage breed chicken. I feel it is very important to save the rare and endangered species. The heritage breeds seem to have better foraging capabilities as well, which is important if you want to pasture feed. I want to pasture feed, because then I will know what my animals are eating.
When we get property the first animals I will try will be chickens. Once I get the hang of that I will move on. Chickens are suppose to be the easiest animals to take care of. Rabbits were also mentioned as one of the easiest animals to take care of, but I decided to start out with chickens because I love eggs! I can get eggs as well as meat out of the chickens, whereas with rabbits I can only get meat.
Well there I go; dreaming again!
Anyway, each family is allowed to have six chickens; hens not any roosters. But it is a step in the right direction.
I've already decided when I get chickens I am going to get Delaware Chickens. They are a heritage breed chicken. I feel it is very important to save the rare and endangered species. The heritage breeds seem to have better foraging capabilities as well, which is important if you want to pasture feed. I want to pasture feed, because then I will know what my animals are eating.
When we get property the first animals I will try will be chickens. Once I get the hang of that I will move on. Chickens are suppose to be the easiest animals to take care of. Rabbits were also mentioned as one of the easiest animals to take care of, but I decided to start out with chickens because I love eggs! I can get eggs as well as meat out of the chickens, whereas with rabbits I can only get meat.
Well there I go; dreaming again!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Memories of Country Living- The seance
I decided to tell some of the stories from my childhood. My kids find them very entertaining and so I thought maybe someone else would appreciate the imagination it took to get into some of these predicaments. I will post one story and then maybe more later.
I was a very imaginative and dramatic child. I just thought I should admit to it right up front:) We lived in a valley in the middle of no where. My dad died when I was around ten and left us a big old farm house. The house was over a hundred years old and there were all kinds of stories about it being haunted. To tell you the truth, we swore my father was haunting the place because in the silence of the night I swear you could hear his shuffling footsteps across the floor. Ok enough back ground information and on to the story.
For some reason my mother was not at home. It was me and the two neighbor girls. When I say neighbors I mean their house was at least a quarter of a mile away and they were the closest. I can't remember for the life of me where my mother was at. She didn't leave me home alone overnight very often, but for some reason, she wasn't there and neither was my older sister. It was just me and the two neighbor girls. Now you have to picture these girls. One was two or three years older than me. She was quite chubby and we will call her TLS. The other girl was my best friend and two years younger than me and we will call her SAS. So here it was all dark outside, no one but us three very bored girls at home.
Like all good hostesses, I did not want my guests to be bored and so I came up with the bright idea of having a seance. I hope I spelled that right! Anyway, what did I know about having a seance? Why nothing other than what I had seen on tv. Yes tv really does influence children:) So I decided we would have this so called seance in my bedroom in the upstairs of the house. All seances have to have a candle, right? So I found one of those. We placed it on the floor, sat around it in a circle and lit it. Next I told them we had to hold hands, which we did. Then I made up words in a chant. I told them we would call my father back to talk to us because SAS was afraid of demons. So after my chanting, I said, "Dad, if you are here give us a sign!" I then blew gently on the candle flame unbeknownst to my two friends. I tell you I never seen two chubby girls move so fast, nor have I ever heard two girls scream so loud! They were off the floor and down the steps before I took another breath. When I finally caught up to them, I was laughing and told them it was just the wind and so we needed to try again. I actually talked them into it. So again we went up the steps to the room. Repeated the steps above. After the chanting, I said, "Dad, if you are here give us a sign!" I then, unbeknownst to my two friends, blew the candle out! They were tripping over each other to get out of there. They ran down the steps, through the living room, dining room, and kitchen to the door. They were trying to open the door to get out, but the door opened inward and they were pushing each other so hard against the door that the door would not open. There was a little corner right next to the door hidden from the other side by the refrigerator where the garbage can was. The whole time they were trying to get the door opened, they were screaming. I figure the door not opening made their terror worse because they did not realize it was their weight on the door causing the door to not open; they probably thought the spirit of my father was holding them captive in the house! When they couldn't get the door open they went the only other available route which was into the corner where the garbage was. Not only did they go into the corner, but they went right into the garbage and one of them, I forget which one, peed themselves!
I wasn't a mean child, really I wasn't! I was just a bored child with a slightly dramatic and highly productive imagination. And yes I did apologize to them; years later, but it was an apology. We still get together when we can and we laugh together over all these wonderful memories we have.
I was a very imaginative and dramatic child. I just thought I should admit to it right up front:) We lived in a valley in the middle of no where. My dad died when I was around ten and left us a big old farm house. The house was over a hundred years old and there were all kinds of stories about it being haunted. To tell you the truth, we swore my father was haunting the place because in the silence of the night I swear you could hear his shuffling footsteps across the floor. Ok enough back ground information and on to the story.
For some reason my mother was not at home. It was me and the two neighbor girls. When I say neighbors I mean their house was at least a quarter of a mile away and they were the closest. I can't remember for the life of me where my mother was at. She didn't leave me home alone overnight very often, but for some reason, she wasn't there and neither was my older sister. It was just me and the two neighbor girls. Now you have to picture these girls. One was two or three years older than me. She was quite chubby and we will call her TLS. The other girl was my best friend and two years younger than me and we will call her SAS. So here it was all dark outside, no one but us three very bored girls at home.
Like all good hostesses, I did not want my guests to be bored and so I came up with the bright idea of having a seance. I hope I spelled that right! Anyway, what did I know about having a seance? Why nothing other than what I had seen on tv. Yes tv really does influence children:) So I decided we would have this so called seance in my bedroom in the upstairs of the house. All seances have to have a candle, right? So I found one of those. We placed it on the floor, sat around it in a circle and lit it. Next I told them we had to hold hands, which we did. Then I made up words in a chant. I told them we would call my father back to talk to us because SAS was afraid of demons. So after my chanting, I said, "Dad, if you are here give us a sign!" I then blew gently on the candle flame unbeknownst to my two friends. I tell you I never seen two chubby girls move so fast, nor have I ever heard two girls scream so loud! They were off the floor and down the steps before I took another breath. When I finally caught up to them, I was laughing and told them it was just the wind and so we needed to try again. I actually talked them into it. So again we went up the steps to the room. Repeated the steps above. After the chanting, I said, "Dad, if you are here give us a sign!" I then, unbeknownst to my two friends, blew the candle out! They were tripping over each other to get out of there. They ran down the steps, through the living room, dining room, and kitchen to the door. They were trying to open the door to get out, but the door opened inward and they were pushing each other so hard against the door that the door would not open. There was a little corner right next to the door hidden from the other side by the refrigerator where the garbage can was. The whole time they were trying to get the door opened, they were screaming. I figure the door not opening made their terror worse because they did not realize it was their weight on the door causing the door to not open; they probably thought the spirit of my father was holding them captive in the house! When they couldn't get the door open they went the only other available route which was into the corner where the garbage was. Not only did they go into the corner, but they went right into the garbage and one of them, I forget which one, peed themselves!
I wasn't a mean child, really I wasn't! I was just a bored child with a slightly dramatic and highly productive imagination. And yes I did apologize to them; years later, but it was an apology. We still get together when we can and we laugh together over all these wonderful memories we have.
Extended Family Living
I heard the other day people were turning back to extended family living. I think this is a great idea and I don't know why it ever changed in the first place. When I was a child back in the seventies, there was always some obscure relative living with us. My paternal grandmother lived with us until she died. All my siblings at some point during their family life lived with my mom. At one time or another I had cousins and uncles who lived with us. My great uncle lived with us for many years and I loved that man with all my heart! This was better in my opinion because when my mom was single there was someone to share the workload with. We had someone to share expenses. And there was always someone around for me to talk to and to keep an eye on me. I miss those days. I would love nothing better than to have my children and their spouses live at home with us. As long as we were in the country with a big old house so we weren't tripping over each other and there was always a way to get privacy just like when I was a kid.
I don't know why our society ever moved away from extended family living. It's much cheaper for grandparents to live in the home and help with the kids and housework while the younger generation works than it is to throw them in an old folks home. If my mother were still alive I would live with her in a New York second! In times of economical hardship it is much cheaper to share living expenses than trying to make it on your own. Take my oldest and her husband for instance. If we had a big enough house and we lived together, they wouldn't be struggling to make their college loan payments and we wouldn't be struggling to make the rent. And if they had kids, they wouldn't have to pay a sitter because I am home all the time anyway which then means more money in the house. People who live this way are on to something, really! Every part of the family contributes to the wealth of the household and the younger generation knows that after the old folks die they are going to be caretakers of the estate for the next generation. Then when the third generation is old enough they can help out with the household chores and so on. As the children go off to college, they get into different things and everything they get into is a potential help to the homestead. If one becomes a lawyer, the family doesn't have to worry about paying legal fees. If one becomes an auto mechanic, well then they can contribute mechanical help to the household and so on. Less money being spent outside the household and more money to go into the homestead and the more the next generation has to inherit. This is the way to build wealth for the working class. Yes it takes more money to feed, cloth, and keep warm more people, but if most of the food is being raised by the older and youngest generation, then food isn't too big of an issue.
The only problem with extended family living is that you have to set the ground rules. Privacy, like no one is allowed in someone else's bedroom, is a major concern. Pulling one's own weight is another concern. My mom was forever helping out different family members. My great uncle who lived with us for a while, bought a riding lawn mower and took over the yard work as his contribution (we had about an acre of overgrown field which he turned into a lawn and greatly increased curb appeal) plus he helped pay bills. However, there were other family members who were not as considerate. Sometimes we got stuck with the bill and someone saved their money until they had enough to get back out on their own without helping us out for our trouble. In these instances resentment builds and usually ruins a relationship. Before allowing family members to move in the ground rules should be agreed to and enforced once said family members move in.
My oldest is already on her own so to speak and I doubt she will ever agree to come back home, but I have high hopes for the next two:) The problem with my oldest is she hasn't been in the country since she was very young. She likes the conveniences of the city and doesn't want to loose it. The country has a whole different take on life, or at least it did when I was there. I think A will do very well in the country, but she will have to learn to get along better with her younger sibling. V I believe will do extraordinary in the country. She has the imagination and energy required for a country life:) She will miss having kids her age living so close, but I think a few acres of land, a couple slumber parties(camp outs in the country), and a few animals will help with the social withdrawal!
I don't know why our society ever moved away from extended family living. It's much cheaper for grandparents to live in the home and help with the kids and housework while the younger generation works than it is to throw them in an old folks home. If my mother were still alive I would live with her in a New York second! In times of economical hardship it is much cheaper to share living expenses than trying to make it on your own. Take my oldest and her husband for instance. If we had a big enough house and we lived together, they wouldn't be struggling to make their college loan payments and we wouldn't be struggling to make the rent. And if they had kids, they wouldn't have to pay a sitter because I am home all the time anyway which then means more money in the house. People who live this way are on to something, really! Every part of the family contributes to the wealth of the household and the younger generation knows that after the old folks die they are going to be caretakers of the estate for the next generation. Then when the third generation is old enough they can help out with the household chores and so on. As the children go off to college, they get into different things and everything they get into is a potential help to the homestead. If one becomes a lawyer, the family doesn't have to worry about paying legal fees. If one becomes an auto mechanic, well then they can contribute mechanical help to the household and so on. Less money being spent outside the household and more money to go into the homestead and the more the next generation has to inherit. This is the way to build wealth for the working class. Yes it takes more money to feed, cloth, and keep warm more people, but if most of the food is being raised by the older and youngest generation, then food isn't too big of an issue.
The only problem with extended family living is that you have to set the ground rules. Privacy, like no one is allowed in someone else's bedroom, is a major concern. Pulling one's own weight is another concern. My mom was forever helping out different family members. My great uncle who lived with us for a while, bought a riding lawn mower and took over the yard work as his contribution (we had about an acre of overgrown field which he turned into a lawn and greatly increased curb appeal) plus he helped pay bills. However, there were other family members who were not as considerate. Sometimes we got stuck with the bill and someone saved their money until they had enough to get back out on their own without helping us out for our trouble. In these instances resentment builds and usually ruins a relationship. Before allowing family members to move in the ground rules should be agreed to and enforced once said family members move in.
My oldest is already on her own so to speak and I doubt she will ever agree to come back home, but I have high hopes for the next two:) The problem with my oldest is she hasn't been in the country since she was very young. She likes the conveniences of the city and doesn't want to loose it. The country has a whole different take on life, or at least it did when I was there. I think A will do very well in the country, but she will have to learn to get along better with her younger sibling. V I believe will do extraordinary in the country. She has the imagination and energy required for a country life:) She will miss having kids her age living so close, but I think a few acres of land, a couple slumber parties(camp outs in the country), and a few animals will help with the social withdrawal!
Odds and Ends
It's been quite a while since my last post. My step-daughter now has a new cps worker assigned to her and trying to get in touch with this woman is like trying to make a phone call to the white house! She doesn't take calls and doesn't return them either apparently. In the mean time we are just hanging out in limbo, I guess. My poor step-daughter is still waiting to get her stuff from her mother as was ordered by the court. The worker has called me twice and left messages for the biological mom! But I can't seem to get her to return my calls. When my stepdaughter had to leave her mother's house, she left with one change of clothes and that was it. The bio mom has not given her any of her stuff. What kind of mother does that? The bio mom has refused visits with her daughter and has pretty much disowned her. There are some gruesome allegations coming from my stepdaughter, but I can't really get into detail because of confidentiality issues.
Things are getting really hard now though because my husband is spending a crap ton of money on gas to pick his daughter up, bring her to our house for a few hours, and then take her back to her grandparents house where cps has temporarily place her. He is also responsible for all the insurance co-pays. There are three 20 dollar co-pays a week and that is just for his daughter. I'm out of my glaucoma medicine and have been for a few weeks, but there just isn't anything we can do right now. We are again behind in the rent! I don't know what we are going to do. It's almost time for income taxes, but they won't get here soon enough! I told my husband to get a hold of the cps worker and tell her that we want to move to Pennsylvania because of our circumstances and maybe she could hurry this stuff along to help us out, but once again we have to be able to actually talk to the woman before we can tell her anything. grrr I am so frustrated!
On a better note, I love having my stepdaughter around again. With everything she has been through you would think she would be a raving lunatic right now, but she is pretty strong and smart! She is interested in moving to the country as well. She is into crafts big time. She sews, quilts, knits, draws, and paints. We have talked extensively about sustainability and being as self reliant as possible and she seems to agree with my views.
Just so you know, I have a daughter in her twenties who is married, but has no children yet. She graduated from college, but is still working a minimum wage job for a retail store because she hasn't been able to find a job in her field yet. She lives with her husband with his parents because our trailer isn't big enough for all of us. I will refer to her as G. Then of course is the middle child. The one I was talking about above who is in her mid teens. She is strong, pretty, and smart! I will refer to her as A. Our third child is ten. She is strong, pretty, smart, and hyper as a month old puppy! I will call her V. Yes we have all girls; my poor, poor husband!
Things are getting really hard now though because my husband is spending a crap ton of money on gas to pick his daughter up, bring her to our house for a few hours, and then take her back to her grandparents house where cps has temporarily place her. He is also responsible for all the insurance co-pays. There are three 20 dollar co-pays a week and that is just for his daughter. I'm out of my glaucoma medicine and have been for a few weeks, but there just isn't anything we can do right now. We are again behind in the rent! I don't know what we are going to do. It's almost time for income taxes, but they won't get here soon enough! I told my husband to get a hold of the cps worker and tell her that we want to move to Pennsylvania because of our circumstances and maybe she could hurry this stuff along to help us out, but once again we have to be able to actually talk to the woman before we can tell her anything. grrr I am so frustrated!
On a better note, I love having my stepdaughter around again. With everything she has been through you would think she would be a raving lunatic right now, but she is pretty strong and smart! She is interested in moving to the country as well. She is into crafts big time. She sews, quilts, knits, draws, and paints. We have talked extensively about sustainability and being as self reliant as possible and she seems to agree with my views.
Just so you know, I have a daughter in her twenties who is married, but has no children yet. She graduated from college, but is still working a minimum wage job for a retail store because she hasn't been able to find a job in her field yet. She lives with her husband with his parents because our trailer isn't big enough for all of us. I will refer to her as G. Then of course is the middle child. The one I was talking about above who is in her mid teens. She is strong, pretty, and smart! I will refer to her as A. Our third child is ten. She is strong, pretty, smart, and hyper as a month old puppy! I will call her V. Yes we have all girls; my poor, poor husband!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Catching up and going blind
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Even though money was an issue this year, I had a good Christmas. All the kids came to my house on Christmas Eve to celebrate. They all chipped in for the food and I did the cooking. Christmas Day was a time to relax and unwind.
We are still trying to move to Pennsylvania. The problem is right now my husband's daughter is a ward of the state because her mother is an idiot. Even though my husband has not been proven unfit, the state stepped in and took custody of his daughter. We don't understand why because we were taking care of any issues she might have stemming from the care or lack thereof provided by her mother. We were in the middle of a custody battle with the mother which we would have won in light of the things going on. We had the child in counseling and she was seeing a medical doctor again. We were in touch with the school as well to make sure things were going good there. But yet the state in its infinit wisdom still stepped in and now in order for us to move from this state, we have to wrest custody back from the state. Most people don't ever have to deal with this issue and so no one understands how hard it is to go against the state in a custody battle! Once they get control they don't like to give it up. The court papers give a listing of court dates for a three month review, a six month progress hearing, and a twelve month dis positional hearing. I am quite frustrated as my husband is and neither of us know how to rectify the situation. Our lawyer is less than useful as well. So we may just well be stuck in this area for a whole 'nother year!!!! GRRR
In the meantime, my sister is waiting for our arrival to help her with her mortgage. I was looking forward to being in PA in the spring to check my sister's soil, amend it, plan and start a garden and look into getting some chickens. My sister had raised chickens, rabbits, and a pig before, so she has all the necessary shelters and equipment. She got rid of all her animals because she was having problems working full time, taking care of her household,taking care of her parents and trying to take care of all the animals. My husband would work and my sister would continue to work while I stay home and maintain the home-front and raise most of our food.
I'm sure people are wondering by now why I just don't go out and get a job. The answer is because I don't drive and finding a job is practically impossible when you don't drive and there is no public transportation! I haven't had my license in seven years because I voluntarily gave them up due to a lack of vision; literally. I have terrible eye sight. I am legally blind without my glasses and I can't buy my new glasses right now. They cost over three hundred dollars and that's with my husband's insurance covering the frames. The reason I gave up driving though is because I cannot see in the dark when another car is coming towards me. Staring at the white line does not help! Even daylight driving is hard for me when the sun is shining bright. I do not want to be responsible for hurting someone and so I just quit driving. Recently I have been diagnosed with Glaucoma as well. I am loosing my peripheral vision quite rapidly to be honest. I get little flashes of moving darkness at the corner of my vision and it literally makes me jump. Can you imagine me driving down the road, getting a flash of movement to the side, thinking it's a deer or person and me swerving to miss it? I can and it's not a pleasant thought. The least that would happen is I would get rear-ended by a car behind me because I stopped suddenly. The most is I could swerve into on coming traffic and seriously hurt myself or someone else! It's just not worth it. I could not and do not want to live with the consequences of driving when I know it is not safe for me. The bad side of this is it's practically impossible to get a job. I've worked all my life and should qualify for disability, but unfortunetly the doctors are hesitant to declare me unable to drive. I just want them to go for a drive with me! My husband won't even go for a ride with me!
It's very hard to be so dependent on other people. I long for a day to go window shopping at the home improvement store (one of my favorite activities. I never claimed to be normal!), but my husband doesn't like doing that and so I never get to do it anymore. Sometimes I go a little stir crazy in the house and just want to jump in a car and take a little spin, but I can't! If I need something from the store, I have to wait for my husband to get off work or to have a day off. I have to schedule all my appointments around his work. It's not easy on him either. He works long hours and the last thing he wants to do when he gets off for the night or gets a day off is drive my butt around! Sometimes I feel like a burden to my husband- he deserves so much more! It's very frustrating for both of us.
This whole Glaucoma thing is pretty disgusting too! When I wake up in the morning and usually after I've been reading a lot I get this leaky eye thing going on where my eyes water and water and water some more. It's like having a cold in my eye! When I get up in the morning it literally takes time for my eyes to adjust to seeing...how crazy is that! It takes about fifteen minutes for my eyes to focus and quit watering. Glaucoma is a death sentence for my eyes. There is no cure. I have to put drops in my eyes every day and those drops cost me thirty bucks for a tiny bottle! Most people get Glaucoma in their sixties and seventies. All the doctors can do is try to preserve the eyesight until the person's death. They do this with the drops, laser surgery, and regular surgery in a progressive rear guard type fight. Because I am in my early forties, I have a bigger chance of totally loosing my eyesight before I die, because they have to try to preserve it for more years than someone in a higher age bracket. My sister (not the same as above) has glaucoma too! The doctor actually diagnosed it years ago. She has not used any medication or anything and right now she just has to wear glasses to read. I had my eyes checked about three years ago and my prescription hadn't changed. I went to the doctor this year and I have lost three prescription strengths in three years! And how does that make me feel? Pissed off!
We are still trying to move to Pennsylvania. The problem is right now my husband's daughter is a ward of the state because her mother is an idiot. Even though my husband has not been proven unfit, the state stepped in and took custody of his daughter. We don't understand why because we were taking care of any issues she might have stemming from the care or lack thereof provided by her mother. We were in the middle of a custody battle with the mother which we would have won in light of the things going on. We had the child in counseling and she was seeing a medical doctor again. We were in touch with the school as well to make sure things were going good there. But yet the state in its infinit wisdom still stepped in and now in order for us to move from this state, we have to wrest custody back from the state. Most people don't ever have to deal with this issue and so no one understands how hard it is to go against the state in a custody battle! Once they get control they don't like to give it up. The court papers give a listing of court dates for a three month review, a six month progress hearing, and a twelve month dis positional hearing. I am quite frustrated as my husband is and neither of us know how to rectify the situation. Our lawyer is less than useful as well. So we may just well be stuck in this area for a whole 'nother year!!!! GRRR
In the meantime, my sister is waiting for our arrival to help her with her mortgage. I was looking forward to being in PA in the spring to check my sister's soil, amend it, plan and start a garden and look into getting some chickens. My sister had raised chickens, rabbits, and a pig before, so she has all the necessary shelters and equipment. She got rid of all her animals because she was having problems working full time, taking care of her household,taking care of her parents and trying to take care of all the animals. My husband would work and my sister would continue to work while I stay home and maintain the home-front and raise most of our food.
I'm sure people are wondering by now why I just don't go out and get a job. The answer is because I don't drive and finding a job is practically impossible when you don't drive and there is no public transportation! I haven't had my license in seven years because I voluntarily gave them up due to a lack of vision; literally. I have terrible eye sight. I am legally blind without my glasses and I can't buy my new glasses right now. They cost over three hundred dollars and that's with my husband's insurance covering the frames. The reason I gave up driving though is because I cannot see in the dark when another car is coming towards me. Staring at the white line does not help! Even daylight driving is hard for me when the sun is shining bright. I do not want to be responsible for hurting someone and so I just quit driving. Recently I have been diagnosed with Glaucoma as well. I am loosing my peripheral vision quite rapidly to be honest. I get little flashes of moving darkness at the corner of my vision and it literally makes me jump. Can you imagine me driving down the road, getting a flash of movement to the side, thinking it's a deer or person and me swerving to miss it? I can and it's not a pleasant thought. The least that would happen is I would get rear-ended by a car behind me because I stopped suddenly. The most is I could swerve into on coming traffic and seriously hurt myself or someone else! It's just not worth it. I could not and do not want to live with the consequences of driving when I know it is not safe for me. The bad side of this is it's practically impossible to get a job. I've worked all my life and should qualify for disability, but unfortunetly the doctors are hesitant to declare me unable to drive. I just want them to go for a drive with me! My husband won't even go for a ride with me!
It's very hard to be so dependent on other people. I long for a day to go window shopping at the home improvement store (one of my favorite activities. I never claimed to be normal!), but my husband doesn't like doing that and so I never get to do it anymore. Sometimes I go a little stir crazy in the house and just want to jump in a car and take a little spin, but I can't! If I need something from the store, I have to wait for my husband to get off work or to have a day off. I have to schedule all my appointments around his work. It's not easy on him either. He works long hours and the last thing he wants to do when he gets off for the night or gets a day off is drive my butt around! Sometimes I feel like a burden to my husband- he deserves so much more! It's very frustrating for both of us.
This whole Glaucoma thing is pretty disgusting too! When I wake up in the morning and usually after I've been reading a lot I get this leaky eye thing going on where my eyes water and water and water some more. It's like having a cold in my eye! When I get up in the morning it literally takes time for my eyes to adjust to seeing...how crazy is that! It takes about fifteen minutes for my eyes to focus and quit watering. Glaucoma is a death sentence for my eyes. There is no cure. I have to put drops in my eyes every day and those drops cost me thirty bucks for a tiny bottle! Most people get Glaucoma in their sixties and seventies. All the doctors can do is try to preserve the eyesight until the person's death. They do this with the drops, laser surgery, and regular surgery in a progressive rear guard type fight. Because I am in my early forties, I have a bigger chance of totally loosing my eyesight before I die, because they have to try to preserve it for more years than someone in a higher age bracket. My sister (not the same as above) has glaucoma too! The doctor actually diagnosed it years ago. She has not used any medication or anything and right now she just has to wear glasses to read. I had my eyes checked about three years ago and my prescription hadn't changed. I went to the doctor this year and I have lost three prescription strengths in three years! And how does that make me feel? Pissed off!
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